My HR folks. They´re so goddam touchy. They really take all kind of stuff personally. They hate conflict. Especially ones where people get laid off or disappointed or whatever. They hate me when making hard decisions. I fire someone, they have to retreat from the world and cleanse the soul on a lonely island in Thailand or take zero-gravity flight with vomit comet. Saw me getting touchy in Goldfish Sachs presentation?
I mean, Jesus didn't go around being all humble and pretending that he wasn't who he was, right? He just said, Dude, I'm Jesus, okay? Don't get me wrong. I'm a liberal. I vote for Democrats.
Do you expect me to run our company like it's one big popularity contest? We like this guy, we like that girl, you can´t fire them? Can you imagine what happens if companies chose their executives just by having employees vote? You'd have Billy Bob the forklift operator running sales in EMEA, and Shirley from the cafeteria running marketing in China. I mean seriously. L'État, c'est moi.
Before Christmas retarded ASMP will praise me to the skies for my cleverness and genius. Look how smart this guy was to figure this $49 firecracker out. ASMP? AIPA? ASHRAE? ASP? American Society of Primatologists? I always confuse them. You think this company is the Great Ape Project?
I've got an idea. Maybe you ASMP kids should start your own stock photo firm. You know, like sell your car and beg some money from relatives and buy some components and start putting all together. Work your ass off, hire the best people you can find, work your ass off some more and change the world. Every picture tells a story, a picture is worth ten thousand words, "Un bon croquis vaut mieux qu'un long discours, " said Napoleon to Josephine.
Then, in ten years, when you've created the most beautiful (and powerful, you morons) imagery company ever known to mankind, you can have some punks and pinheads deface your agency and gripe about you being a rapacious exploiter. That's how the world says "Thank you." I´m used to it.
A disastrous good week. Craig met with the BQ folks, created by some stone age ex-Digital Roller Coaster grandpas out of business. Honestly he has never met a bigger bunch of buffoons than these old clowns. But sounds like a great idea. He says he'll get back to me on Monday. Lost a crown after Goldfish presentation. NY dentist, little immigrant from Bulgaria, Transylvania, whatever, bores me to death with schmaltzy folk tales. I hate New York. The taxi drivers. Wall Street. This climate is not good for my skin.
In two billion years balloon head S. will brand their $48.95 all-web-all-eternity-license Getty product clone the C. online-image-trots-channel. Dumbfounded D. will write on creamy Creative whatever how exciting all this is and take his birth control pills. Very funny. I take the heat for it. Now! WTF #&@?! For this micro pay, plus a small bonus.
To my critics: Geniuses have feelings, too. It's easy to be a critic these days. It's easy to snipe. The same folks who admired me for years now piss one me. Remember, there's a human being on the receiving end. To be sure, a very wealthy, brilliant human being, a human being who has changed the course of history and who lives a life you could not even begin to imagine. Friends, we're all brothers and sisters. (Except you JH asshole in Washington DC and wannabe CFA - how ridiculous).
So go easy. Music is in the air.
After official announcement soon, more news from me.
